Friday, October 28, 2011

I'm back with a lobster attack!

The other day I was in Harvard Square, enjoying the lovely weather.  I randomly decided to stop by the farmers market.  I came away from the market with a bag of delicious chocolate nuts and a live lobster.  Yes, you read that right... A LIVE LOBSTER!!!  And boy do I have a story for you!  It started out as an exciting, spontaneous purchase.  The lady that sold it to me was a fisherman's wife.  He caught the lobster, and she sold them.  The lobster I bought had only been caught the day before.  She showed me a picture of their boat and everything!  It was a true New England experience.

I made several mistakes following my purchase.  First, I called my Mom.  Thinking she would be proud of me, I excitedly told her what I had just bought.  Then she asked me, "So are you going to cook it, or take it to the bay to set it free?"  That's when the panic set in.  For the rest of my walk home I was agonizing over that question.  Was I actually going to kill a lobster, and then eat it???

My second mistake was that I kept my purchase a surprise for Levi.  Once again, I really anticipated that Levi would love the idea that I bought a lobster on a whim for dinner.  Well, when I came home and showed him my big surprise he was less than impressed.  He said, "I'm not touching that".  My lobster enthusiasm was completely deflated and the guilty conscience kicked in to full gear.

My third mistake was this.

We became friends with the lobster.  We named him Poseidon.
p.s.  I mopped my floor before and after Poseidon touched it...just in case you were wondering
That night we went out for pizza.  The next 24 hours were an absolute hell as I stressed about what to do with the thing.  It was awful.  He was in an insulated bag that was kept in my refrigerator (that's what the lobster lady told me to do if we didn't cook it that night).  All night and the following day I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that there was a live lobster sitting in my fridge.  I felt sick to my stomach.  Twice when I opened my fridge I could hear it squirming around in the bag.  It was horrifying!!!  I consequently avoided opening my fridge for most of the day.

So here I was, about 24 hours after I bought my lobster, still trying to figure out what to do... be the real chef that I want to be, or return the lobster back to the sea.  As soon as Levi got home from school I asked him what we should do, and he said that we should cook it.  He made it clear that I needed to finish what I started.  He was right, and I knew it.  

Everything looks great and under control in the picture right?  It was... and then directly after it was taken all hell broke loose.    
I am not joking when I tell you that my lobster got an adrenaline rush.  He knew what was about to happen to him (Levi read about this online and apparently it's a normal thing.  Of course Levi conveniently forgot to warn me about that until it was too late).  I had never seen our lobster so lively up to that point.  He was slapping his tail up and down so hard that he whipped my hand and I dropped him on the counter.  It was wiggling all 8 legs like crazy, trying to get away.  It scared the heck out of me!!!  This lobster was ready to pounce.  I seriously thought it was going to jump off of the counter and attack me.  I could have sworn that it was hissing at me.  So all the while, I was screaming at the top of my lungs!  Levi was yelling at me to pick it up and throw it in the pot.  Poor little Woods was sitting on the kitchen floor bawling because he was so terrified.  So I was screaming, Levi was screaming, and Woods was screaming.  It was total chaos.  My heart is pounding right now just remembering that crazy moment.

Finally I swallowed my fear, picked the lobster up, and threw him into the pot just as fast as I could.  This was proceeded by slamming the lid on as hard as possible.  I did not want this thing jumping out of the pot and attacking me.

Here are some pretty sweet action shots.  It shows the sequence of events perfectly.  Thanks to Levi for being the photographer, and my mentor.

Throwing the lobster into the pot.

I am freaking out in this picture, because the lobster was still moving in the pot!!!!!

I did it!!!  I was about to drop dead at this point, as you can see.  

 It was such a relief to have it over with.  I killed a lobster.  That sounds awful, but it was a huge burden that was lifted off my shoulders.

This is all the meat we got out of it.  Not much...
 We really did eat it and here's the proof.

 It tasted like any normal lobster.

Cooking a live lobster is not for those with weak stomachs.  Not only is cooking it traumatic, but trying to figure out how to eat it is almost just as bad.  As you may have read in a previous post, eating a lobster is disgusting.  There are numerous surprises that you will find inside.  After all is said and done, I am feeling mixed emotions.  I am proud of myself for doing it, but I did have a sick feeling in my stomach for the next two days.  I contemplated becoming a vegetarian for about a day...but I had signed up to bring pulled pork sandwiches to a potluck the following evening.  Now I am just feeling grateful for those who are willing to provide meat for me.  It takes a certain kind of person, and it's not me!  I won't ever cook a live lobster again, not in a million billion years.  But I will say that it was one of the main events of my year.  I will never forget our lobster experience.  It will always be a fun Boston memory to look back on.

Levi and I also decided that we probably won't want to eat lobster ever again.  In the words of my Mom, "We've had our lifetime quota".  



p.s.  Our lobster pooped all over my kitchen in his crazy rage.  It's hard to see because we have speckled counter tops, but it was every where!  It was slightly disturbing, especially since I still had to eat the thing!  Not the most appetizing way to prepare to eat a lobster.

P.s.s.  You'll notice that I never used the lobster's name, Poseidon, through out the post.  Before we cooked him, It was fun to refer to him as Poseidon.   After I killed him, it was just too sad to call him by his name.

P.s.s.s.  I'm ignoring the fact that I haven't posted on this blog in months.  Let's just pretend that it never happened.


I've had a few people ask me how to cook a live lobster.  Here's my recipe:

Recipe for cooking a live lobster

Boil a full pot of water (salted so that your lobster feels safely at home, before he returns "home")
Throw lobster in
Slam the lid on tight
Run for you life

But seriously, you can just look it up online.  That's what I did.  Good luck!


  1. I am so glad you are back, I have been patiently waiting. :) Oh, I mean, I am glad you never left. ;)

  2. A. Miller11/15/2011

    I read your post on your sister's blog, which I found through other blogs, I don't even remember exactly how, but I just have to say this is hilarious and terrifying at the same time! I was seriously laughing and my heart was pounding as I was reading! I could have NEVER done that, that's crazy! Like you I'm so grateful with people that provide the meat for us haha. Good work.